Why I Hate Buying Pregnancy Tests

Hubby and I have been trying for a while to add a 4th little one to the family. So far, without success. Last week though, I was 2 days late and decided to take a pregnancy test just to check. This whole month is insanely busy and I needed to know how much coffee I can drink.

So, I headed to the bathroom cupboard, pulled out my box of pregnancy tests, and discovered that it was empty. And now, for the dreaded purchasing of the tests. I really hate buying these things. It’s not necessarily the item I’m purchasing, it’s the awkward conversations that surround it.

Seriously, last time I bought pregnancy tests, the lady at CVS remembered me and asked me about the results the next time I was in the store. Um, nope, it was negative, but not sure I really wanted her to be the first person I announced my pregnancy to – plus the kids were with me when she asked and I’m definitely not announcing anything in front of the kids before I’m ready for the entire world to know.

The way I see it, these are my options. Unless I want to order online and wait days for the tests to arrive. By then, I probably won’t need them anymore…


0 Children – So, I bring no kids with me while I purchase. I’m young enough I obviously want kids, and old enough that people feel for me not having any kids and trying. Not sure if I come off as desperate, but people are always overly sympathetic when I purchase alone.

1 Child – I can bring a girl or a boy, either one. The comment is always, “so, are you hoping for {insert opposite gender}?” My child then proceeds to tell them about the other siblings and what kind of sibling they want, while I attempt to exit before this conversation goes too far. The employee doesn’t understand what my child is saying, I have to repeat it, twice.

2 Children – Now, this depends. If I’m with just the 2 girls the comment is, “So, trying again for a boy?”. Yes, I reply, and we’re not going to stop until we get one.

If I have one of each gender with me they want to know why I would add another child when I have one of each and what gender do I want. Um, I’ll take a baby please.

Either way, the children with me feel compelled to tell the store clerk about the missing sibling and how we would like another boy because brother needs a playmate. The store clerk is confused. I continue out the door without bothering to explain the missing sibling.

3 Children – I’m towing 2 girls and 1 boy. One of which is guaranteed to be meandering down the aisle next to the one I’m in and another of which is trying to convince me that we should buy one of every available candy in the checkout aisle.

No wonder the store clerk inquires as to if I know how these things happen, am I actually wanting another one, and was this was a “whoops”? They sympathize with my plight and proceed to tell me about when friends, siblings, daughters, etc. knew when to stop. They can even recommend a good dr if I need some better birth control.

Oh, no, I need an even number, I reply. There’s always an odd one out with three. Speaking of which, where is that third child?

Send Hubby – Now, my sweet husband offered to go get them for me. First of all, he offered at 10 pm and a single guy in CVS calling his significant other late at night to figure out which pregnancy test box to purchase and then purchasing them is another kind of conversation.

He’ll probably end up with the young store clerk who’s more interested in talking about why he’s out purchasing a pregnancy test.

I thanked him for his kind offer, and plotted a time to get away from the kids and purchase these tests as secretly as possible.

And in case you’re wondering. No, I’m not pregnant. And I snuck into Kroger and went through the self checkout with my box of pregnancy tests. Of course, the employee did have to remove the security sticker so I didn’t set off the door alarm. So, I still didn’t manage to avoid conversation. But at least I didn’t set off the door alarm.

8 Replies to “Why I Hate Buying Pregnancy Tests”

  1. LOL! I buy em at the store whenever I need them, and I also wind up buying other really RANDOM stuff. I can ONLY imagine what the check out person is thinking, LOL!

  2. I live in a small town so I am always nervous the whole town will know I’m pregnant before I even get home to take the test! I luckily had a trip out of town and bought one the last time when it really was an oops.

    1. That would be awful! It’s always terrible when everyone knows (or thinks they know) before you’re ready to tell them.

  3. When it comes to ANY kind of purchase in a drug store, the cashier should NEVER comment. I like to live in this ignorant bliss that they don’t pay attention to what I’m giving them so I don’t have to feel self conscious about anything I’m buying…tampons, Midol, Monistat, you name it. I can’t believe you keep encountering this! I’d tell them to mind their biz!

    1. Absolutely! I think I’m a bit too polite sometimes because I probably wouldn’t tell someone that it’s none of their business. But, I also have no problem telling a little lie. If my test had been positive I still would have told the lady at CVS that it was negative. There’s no way she’s the first person I’m announcing my pregnancy to!

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